The Aftermath
by Frostfyyre
Summary: Picks up right where episode 901 left off, when Callie slams the door after being yelled at by Arizona. Callie tries to help Arizona push through her grief, all while dealing with the loss of her best friend. Switches views from character to character chapter by chapter. Once it gets to a lot of characters, chapters will be labeled.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my take on what probably happened after the Season 9 premiere, Going, Going, Gone. I was openly sobbing during Mark's death, it was so sad. So I guess this is kind of my way of coping. RIP Mark Sloan. I hope you and Lexie are happy together up there.

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Callie slammed the door behind her, and took a deep breath. Then another. And then another. She kept breathing hard, hoping that it would help keep the tears away. Her best friend had just died, and her wife was holed up in her bedroom, refusing to talk to anybody. She couldn't help but think that it was her fault Arizona was curled in a ball in bed, not even looking up when Callie came in with food, or with Sofia in tow, hoping to get a response out of her wife. After the amputation, where Callie was the one who cut off Arizona's leg, she couldn't stop feeling guilty about it. It was _she _who cut it off, anyways. Arizona had a right to be angry. But, oh, why did Arizona have to be this way? Catatonic, unless forced to speak? Stoic, even towards their baby girl? The tears began to roll down Callie's face, and she began to sob, no longer able to hold it in anymore.

Callie walked out of the apartment and across the hall into Mark's. Using her spare key, she opened the door and took a deep breath. _It still smells like him,_ she thought, and she moved to the couch. Sitting down, she looked around at a crib by the T.V., some toys scattered off to the side. Places where Mark's bachelor life had mixed with the one where he had a daughter that he adored. Callie had never imagined life without her best friend, and now, she had no choice but to live it. She got up and walked into Mark's bedroom. Memories hit her hard, and she flashed back to the time Mark, being Mark, had tried to record them having sex. She chuckled quietly to herself as she remembered Mark trying to convince her to go with it even as they were already in bed. _He was always recording things,_ Callie thought to herself. She remembered when he had pulled out the recording camera at her and Arizona's wedding, giving a speech to it while everyone else was dancing. _He didn't realize about Lexie until it was too late. _Callie realized that her last thought about the father of her child pointed out how much life Mark still had to live. _You could call him a man-whore, tell him he had too much sex, but he didn't really have a life. He wasn't really ever happy. _Callie couldn't help but think that maybe if Mark had told Lexie sooner about how he felt, instead of wasting his time with Julia, maybe he could have been a little happier, even if for such a short time. In a way, it was poetic, really, that they died in the same accident. _They can be happy together now, at least, _Callie sighed, and she left the room, no longer able to bear the onslaught of memories. She walked back across the hall, careful to lock the door behind her, and went next to Sofia's room. Her little girl was awake, but distressed, as if she knew her daddy wasn't coming home. Sofia was rarely seen without a smile on her face, and seeing her frown now only made Callie's heart break a little more. "What's the matter, _mija_? " Callie asked, rubbing circles on Sofia's belly. Sofia squirmed, begging to be picked up, so Callie obliged. She lifted Sofia out of the crib, and patted her back. "Daddy loves you very much, you know," Callie couldn't help it; the words seemed to tumble from her lips of their own accord. "He isn't here now, but he loves you very, very much. And I know your daddy would want you to know that. He can't be here anymore, because he had to go up and be with God and Lexie. You remember Lexie? Well, now her and Daddy are gonna be real happy up there with each other. But just because Daddy isn't here anymore doesn't mean he isn't with you, okay? Daddy loves you so much; he's always going to be with you no matter what. He'll be watching up there with Auntie Lexie and he'll be protecting you."

She bounced around with Sofia for a while, whispering to her all the while. Sofia grew more and more content, until finally she was lying with her head on her Mommy's shoulder. Feeling Sofia's weight, however slight, was calming to Callie, and eventually the tears dried, and she was left with nothing but the funnier memories of Mark. Mostly those coincided with the times she wasn't sure if she'd wanted to kill him or laugh, but now, all she could do was laugh. _Like the time he spent the whole day talking dirty to me until I realized I liked girls,_ she remembered with a smile, _or when he helped Arizona get back in my good graces after the whole Africa debacle. _At that thought, Callie sobered and considered how much she really owed Mark. Without him, she wouldn't be married to a beautiful woman, the love of her life. Hell, without him, she would have never even realized who she really was. Remembering Mark, her best friend, her favorite man-whore, had helped to cheer her up a little, but she still had something she needed to do. She got up and gently deposited a now sleeping Sofia back in her crib, and walked to the door behind which was Arizona. She braced herself, breathing deeply. Then, she opened the door.

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A/N: So I know it's kind of cruel to leave you hanging like that, but I honestly felt like that was a good cliffhanger to maybe make you read the next chapter? ;)

In the next chapter, it'll be Callie and Arizona's second talk, one where things are a little bit less raw for Callie and therefore a little bit calmer. But by no means does that mean no emotions! There will be plenty of emotions and feelings, I promise. Reviews are welcome, even enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Before you start reading, this stuff is going to get really depressing, and just really not Arizona as a person. But I feel like since she's depressed, I should at least try to explore all kinds of angles with her. I'd love my favorite character to keep being that happy, perky person she is, but we all know that people aren't always like that. So...yeah. Be warned.

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As Arizona lay back down, she heard the door slam shut. She almost flinched at the sound before she remembered that she really didn't care that Callie was angry.

God. What right did Callie have to be angry? She wasn't on that plane. She wasn't there when Mark was dying in her lap. She wasn't even aware that Arizona and their friends had been in a plane crash. Instead, she'd been happy and healthy, giving advice to and terrorizing the residents until Hunt realized they were missing. It was Arizona who had the right to be angry. She'd been in a plane crash, for crying out loud. And speaking of freak accidents, why _her_? It was a horrible thought, she knew, but why not somebody else? What did she, Arizona Robbins, a happy person, a person who saved _babies,_ for Pete's sake, do to deserve the heartbreak she'd been through in the past two years? First there was the shooting, where a man with a gun came in asking for bandages. And Callie had so bravely given him what he wanted, and had then boldly told him to leave them. Then came the car crash, when Callie was put through that windshield while still pregnant with baby Sofia, right on the heels of their baby shower. And now this. _Maybe it has something to do with Callie,_ Arizona thought, unable to stop brooding. _I was perfectly fine before I moved here and got involved with her. After we were together, that's when all the seriously messed up crap started happening. _Arizona tried to shake off the thoughts, tried to stop blaming Callie, but her brain wouldn't stop. _I asked her to marry me, and she flew through a windshield. We had a baby, which wasn't so bad. Then, Nick shows up with cancer, and then he dies. Now, a plane crash. And _Callie _is the one who took my leg. _Slow tears began to leak out of Arizona's clear blue eyes, marking a trail down her face, one that had been marked countless times over the past thirty days. Arizona vaguely registered the front door opening and closing, and she wondered who it was before, once again, remembering that she didn't care. _Come on, Arizona, face it. Take off those rose colored glasses and look at the common denominator in all of this. Callie. You and Callie were fighting, and then a gunman showed up. You moved to Africa, and Callie wound up pregnant. You came back, asked her to marry you, and then Callie flew through a windshield. Then, Callie can't save Nick, and he died. It all comes down to Callie. _Arizona shook her head, wishing to dislodge the thoughts.

She heard the front door close gently once more, and then soft cooing. _Callie must be talking to Sofia,_ Arizona thought listlessly. She wanted so desperately to hold her baby girl, to be able to comfort her, but not the way she was. Not crippled, unable to provide for herself, unable to do simple things like get up and walk around. It was pathetic, and the one thing Arizona didn't want Sofia to see her Mama as was pathetic. Never mind that she was a baby who didn't even know what pathetic meant. It was the principal of the thing. Callie had brought Sofia in a few times to try to get a response from Arizona, and each time, Arizona had been thinking only of how her leg was gone forever, and how she couldn't let her baby see her like this. Eventually, Callie had gotten angry at her, putting the baby down and demanding a response. Arizona didn't even glance up, instead opting to turn her back to Callie, a clear signal that she wanted to be left alone. And so it went for thirty days, with Callie bringing her food on a tray, leaving water throughout the day, providing whatever support Arizona needed. The one thing Arizona had refused to tolerate, though, was being helped to the bathroom. That, she did on her own. Several times a day, she painfully, excruciatingly hobbled on one foot to the bathroom, balancing herself and grimacing against the wall. She refused to be lowered to the point where she needed a babysitter to go pee. Callie came and went, and looked at Arizona with only sad eyes. It had been more than a month since Callie had looked at her like she used to. Not only as an equal, but with a reverence that Arizona had happily returned. But now, whenever she felt Callie look at her, she knew it was a look filled with sadness, of anger, of grief, and it was Arizona's fault. She was useless now, and the feeling that her wife was to blame was eating her alive.

Arizona didn't react as the door opened again, gently this time. She heard Callie's soft footsteps, but didn't react. "Hey." Callie spoke quietly, as if Arizona would explode again if she was too loud. Arizona didn't respond. Her brain was still running through those thoughts, the thoughts that blamed Callie for her accident, for all her accidents, really. Callie kept talking though, as if Arizona had actually turned around. "I'm…I don't know, Arizona. If I hadn't done what I did, when I had, I would have lost you. When I was in that operating room, all I could think of was that I'd promised I wouldn't let anyone take your leg away. But then I thought, 'She's going to die if I don't do this. I can't lose her.' The whole time I was in there, taking off your leg, I was…I was afraid. I kept on praying that you wouldn't hate me, that even if you did, having you hate me alive was better than having you love me dead. But now, I've lost you, and you hate me. I've lost you, and Sofia's lost you. All you do is sit in here. She misses her Mama, Arizona. I'm not sorry for what I did, Arizona. Don't ever ask me to be sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I lost your trust when I did it. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry for everything that you've been through these past few years with me. I'm just so…sorry. But I'm not sorry for what I did. I can't be. Because if I am, that means I'm sorry for saving your life. And I can't ever be sorry for that, because you are my life. If I'd let you die, I would have died too. And I couldn't do that to our baby girl, because Mark was dying. Please, just…I'm sorry that you're hurting. And I know that I can't make it better. But please, please don't lay here anymore, Arizona. Please."

At the end of Callie's speech, Arizona turned around. She saw Callie sitting on the edge of the bed, perched like a bird ready to take flight at a moment's notice. Her eyes hardened. "How are you not sorry? How can you not be sorry for _ruining_ my life? _You cut off my leg_! I would have been better off dead, Calliope. And if you knew me at all, you would've known that. But instead, I'm stuck here. I'm crippled and I'm alone. And don't say that you're here for me too, because you may think you are, but you aren't. Bringing me food and water and trying to make me play with Sofia isn't being here for me. It's trying to make me be here for you. So please, save me the speech about how hard this is for you, and how you're sorry about everything except for the one thing you should be sorry _for._" Callie looked taken aback. She started to speak, but Arizona cut her off. "_No_! Don't even try to justify yourself to me, Calliope. I get that your best friend died, but what you don't understand is that my best friend died too. Nick is dead, or dying, or whatever, and now I don't have a leg. So don't try to understand what I'm going through. Don't come in here and apologize for something that now both of us know you're not sorry for. Don't come in here and _lie _to me!" With that, Arizona turned her back to Callie once more, and refused to look back. In fact, she didn't make a sound until she felt Callie's weight lift off the bed and heard the door close behind her. Then, and only then, did Arizona begin to cry. She let the sobs fill her body, felt them tumble from her lips, let them fall unabashed from her eyes. _Why me? _She thought, a question with as many answers as it did meanings.

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A/N: It's a little bit more dense than the last one, since I feel like there's so much more to explore with Arizona and what she's feeling. Please R/R, and i'm sorry if you feel sad after this chapter. I felt sad just writing it.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Who saw the episode last thursday? Words cannot describe how good those actors are, and words REALLY can't describe how heartbreaking it was to see Arizona begging Callie to find another way, and hearing Cristina describe their time in the woods to Owen.

Well, anyways, here's a new chapter for you, sorry it's a bit late, I had a little more work than usual this weekend...

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Callie shut the door once again, but this time, no tears came. This time, all she felt was guilt. How could Arizona hate her this much? Callie had cut off her leg, sure, but it was to save Arizona's life. How could it be that Arizona hated Callie for saving her? For not letting her die? Didn't Arizona understand that if she'd died, Callie would have died with her? And their baby girl would have been left all alone in the world with no parents. Callie sighed, and went back to Sofia's room. She checked on Sofia, making sure that her blanket was fuzzy side up, like she liked it, then sat down in the rocking chair by the crib. All Callie could think about was Arizona's hatred of her. _Why is she hurting so bad? _Callie mused. She'd done amputations before, and while some patients were angry, patients mostly resigned themselves to their fate. But Arizona…she wasn't _working_ through it. She wasn't even trying.

Callie sighed, wanting to help her wife, but not knowing how. She got up, and after once again checking on Sofia, she left the room. She moved listlessly around the apartment, hoping that she'd find something to keep her hands busy. Of course, there was nothing. Arizona, being raised by a military man, had cleaned the apartment regularly, up until the last month or so. And even then, the last cleaning had been so rigorous that Callie couldn't find anything that she thought was worth cleaning. She drifted, opening the refrigerator a few times, even though she wasn't hungry. She just felt…lost. She didn't want to go back inside to face her wife's hate-filled gaze. She didn't want to leave Sofia alone, but she couldn't stay in this house anymore. Besides, if it really came down to it, Arizona would get up to save Sofia if something bad happened. Callie grabbed her coat and keys, and for the second time today, walked out the door.

Callie glanced around the hospital, wondering what had brought her here. Her shift was over, she didn't have any patients to tend to, and hell, her pager was still at home. She took the elevator up to the surgical floor, but froze when she saw Derek. She slowly walked out of the elevator and stood by her newfound friend. "Hey. How are you doing?" Callie whispered, hoping not to incite any anger. "I could ask you the same question," Derek whispered back, smiling slightly. Lately, the only person who'd been able to console him was Callie. Even though Meredith was the one who'd been with him in the crash, she hadn't known Mark the way he and Callie and even Arizona had. And since Arizona wasn't really willing to talk about anything, last he checked, Callie had become his main confidante. Callie didn't return the smile, instead opting to tell him about what had happened between her and Arizona. "Arizona's still not talking to me," she started. "All she does is…lay there. She doesn't move, she barely eats, barely drinks, she just…lays there. As if nothing or nobody else matters."

Derek glanced up from his charting. "Just give her some time, Callie. It's a big loss."

"Derek, I gave her time. It's been a whole month since the surgery. But she won't look at Sofia. When she looks at me, all I see is hate. She spends her days staring at the far wall of our bedroom. I sleep on our couch and—"

Derek cut her off gently. "Callie, basically everything you just said is about you. Have you tried thinking about how she feels? She lost her leg, Callie! And you were the one to take it away from her. Just give her some time. Or if you want her to get better, at least try to come at her from her point of view, instead of just trying to shock her out of it with how hard it is for you. Callie, it's gonna take time," Derek finished quietly. He packed up his charts and left. "Derek!" Callie called after him. "Thank you." Derek nodded once, and then continued walking away.

Having heard Derek's suggestion, Callie first stopped at a bakery to pick up some of Arizona's favorite chocolate chip cookies. She'd had the good fortune to get them right as they were being pulled out of the oven, and she hoped the smell would at least be able to get Arizona to turn around when she walked through that door again. She talked to herself all the way home, trying to understand where Arizona could be coming from without having herself trying to defend every point. Eventually, she reached her door, and tried to keep herself from freaking out. She fished her keys out of her pocket, balancing the box of cookies in one arm. She walked in the room, hoping that she wouldn't wake Sofia. She crossed over to the bedroom door, bracing herself once again. She'd decided to put down the cookies on her way, and she regretted it now, having nothing to occupy her hands with. Callie decided against knocking, and this time instead walked right in. To her surprise, Arizona was sitting up, although still dead-eyed. Of course, it was already better than Callie'd hoped. She took a breath, and sat down next to Arizona. Arizona glanced over at her, but it wasn't a curious glance. Callie decided to focus on the fact that she'd at least shown some interest by looking over. She started off slowly. "Arizona…tell me how you feel. This whole time I've just been focusing on how hard it is for me…and I thought about how hard it was for you, I did, but when I did, it was always in conjunction with how much it hurt _me_, and…" Callie trailed off, not knowing where to go from there.

Arizona had looked at her sharply when Callie had begun, and hadn't looked away since. The light blue of her eyes had grown dark, and Callie wondered if she'd made the right choice by coming in to try to talk so soon after the failed first and second attempts at communication. Arizona sat still and silent for a long time, so long, in fact, that Callie got up to leave, certain that Arizona wasn't going to speak. She was halfway to the door when Arizona's voice finally sounded behind her, speaking just one word, "Calliope." Hearing her name spoken so hollowly, so sadly, sent shivers down Callie's spine. Slowly, carefully, Callie turned around. She looked at her wife, who had since returned to her dead eyed stare. She was sure she'd imagined it, until Arizona spoke again. "You want me to tell you how I feel? Fine. I feel betrayed. You _promised _me, Calliope. You made an honest to God _promise_ that you wouldn't let anyone take my leg. You swore that you'd find another way. You told me…you told me you wouldn't give up. So I feel betrayed. And however bad you feel about it, it can't ever make up for the fact that you _betrayed _me. I get that I was dying, okay? I get it, and in your position, I might have done the same thing. But _look_ at me, Callie. This isn't a life. I used to be able to walk with our daughter. Stand at an OR table. But now…this is what I am. Weak. Alone. A cripple. And I get that people work past being an amputee, that they get past their disability. I get it. Seriously, though? I'm still trying to work past getting over the fact that my _wife _is the one who disabled me. So forgive me if I'm a little angry, or distant, or mean." This last line was delivered scathingly, meant to burn a mark in Callie as permanent as Arizona's missing leg. Instead, it had the opposite effect. Even though it was undeniable that Arizona hated her, at least now she knew _why_. She could work with that. She nodded once, trying her best not to smile, and turned away from Arizona. Before she left, she faced Arizona once more, and offered, "If you want, I bought the cookies that you really like from the bakery…I can bring some to you if you want." She hadn't expected Arizona to accept, and she wasn't surprised when stony silence was her only answer. She left the room, happy that despite the fact that their conversation hadn't been one of the light, happy ones of old, that at least they'd finally had a conversation. And now, Callie couldn't help the slight smile that spread across her face now that she finally had some way of fixing the most important bridge she'd ever burned.

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A/N: I hope you liked it! I keep trying to get into Arizona's head, because for me it makes a little more sense...the challenging part is making Callie seem like a good guy while still being Arizona's bad guy. Hmm...it's so difficult when you've got two really good sides to a story that should be black and white. As always, R/R! Constructive criticism is welcome; criticism for the sake of criticism is just sad.


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